Now, I was thinking on what it is that I could share with all of you this week, and I figured I could share some of the things that I have learned in these six years of marriage. Just a little something to share with the newly weds out there:
- Things change. Please don't expect your husband to be the same romantic he was when he was dating you. The dating experience is a completely different stage from marriage. It's suppose to change.
- Stop day dreaming about the things he doesn't do. A lot of us women get so caught up and depressed about the silly things he doesn't do. Appreciate the things he does do, and realize that sometimes we don't appreciate our husbands as much as we should. For example, I used to complain that he didn't take me out to dinner often, or that he didn't surprise me with a love letter, blah...blah...blah. But the truth of the matter is, that he did make time for me, he will drop the world for a movie night with me, he will protect me from anyone who wants to hurt me <----These things matter more than a bouquet of flowers!
- "Please" "Thank you" "Excuse me." I used to think that because I was married to him, then it should all be informal because we are so comfortable with each other. But I realized that these simple words remind you to be polite, respectful, and to keep you from crossing that line that a marriage should never cross: being rude to each other. These things are so simple, yet so important. If you respect others, and are polite to others you should always be this person to the most important person in your life (or at least should be, lol): your spouse.
- He can't complete you. I remember when I used to think that he was it all. But the truth is (and even biblical) that there is no human man on earth that could satisfy your every emotional, spiritual and physical need. And that's okay, because, guess what? You can't satisfy his every emotional, spiritual, and physical need either. Remember to have "girl nights out" or just have simple conversations with your girl friends.
- Put up with things. I have always believed that if you are not able to put up with anything from anyone, then don't get married. There will always be things that you have to put up with, and learn to ignore. For me it's little dumb things like closing the bathroom curtain (because he always forgets to close it). But guess what? He also puts up with quite a few things as well. It's a mutual willingness. Don't throw a fit for every dumb thing. It will just make your life miserable.
- He can't read your mind. I don't know what it is about women that can't understand this, but we always expect him to know everything that we want without saying it. It's very annoying (even to myself, because, well, I'm a woman and I do it, too). Learn to express what you want. Help him out. For example, I usually hint at my husband when it gets close to my birthday, and say "Ooooo! I really like this." Or I'll e-mail a link to him of something I really like (usually from Amazon, haha). Sometimes he needs help.
- Forgive. He's not perfect. He makes mistakes. He'll say and do things you don't like. He might forget things that were important for you for him to remember. Overall, forgive him, because you are not a golden coin yourself. I'm sure you know that you have pressed his buttons and said, did, or thought of things not with the best of your intentions. Remember that you would want him to forgive you, too.
- Laugh. I don't know any couple who can say they are happy without ever having good laughs. Remember to joke around, be silly, and to make him laugh. It's a marvelous thing to know that you were able to make the person you love the most laugh.
- Screaming is dangerous. Thankfully, my husband and I have never had to scream or yell at each other for any reason at all, so this isn't something that we learned, but established from the beginning. You have no idea what yelling can do to your children (I say that from experience). I don't have children, but I was a child once. We started this rule by establishing simple rules like: never saying stupid, shut up, or anything offensive to each other. This was our foundation to make sure, that when solving conflict we TALK not yell, offend, insult, or scream at each other.
- Listen to the little voice in your head. This is something I am STILL learning. I cannot tell you enough how many times I have thought to myself: "Don't say it!" Only to come to realize that, yes, I shouldn't have said it. When in doubt, if you are mad, upset, or feel sad and you want to say something (and you know you're not saying it with your best intentions), just don't say it. When in doubt, stay quiet. <---For me, this is harder than you'll ever know. I'm still learning to do it.
- Say "I love you." You have no idea how many couples I know that don't say this to each other. It gets to the point where they even feel uncomfortable saying it to each other because they never do. Don't forget to say this. It's important to remind your spouse that you're still in love with him/her.
- Last but not least, God is more important than him. Whether he likes it or not, God is better, more perfect, more divine, and way more important than him. Invest time in prayer, meditating in His word. But the best way you can show your Christian godly love to your spouse, is by the way you treat him. God is more important, so if any decision comes to the point where you have to decide between God or him, it will always be God. But remember, you should never abandon your husband to overload yourself with church responsibilities. I had to learn this. Your husband comes first, THEN church responsibility. You are being a godly wife by taking care of your husband. If you're a Christian couple, remember, your husband is a son of God, when you abandon, offend, insult, disrespect him, you are doing this to a child of God. You don't want this on your hands!
These are the things that I can come up with for now!
I hope this comes to you in the form of a blessing!