Monday, December 28, 2015

This Christmas

This Christmas I stared at the sky for too long.
I stared at it through the day.
And then also through the night.
It was pale and lit, happy and sad.

This Christmas I cried more than ever before.
I cried remembering the things you say.
I cried imagining a brave, strong knight.
But it was a fantasy of mine, of a little girl-lad.

This Christmas I cried more than ever before.
I cried remembering all I have lost.
I cried of all the dreams I have watched be destroyed.
I cried, because sometimes I also feel so alone.

But this Christmas I also cried of happiness.
So many colors I have transformed into.
Some are nice, others new and uncomfortable.
Parts of me I have discovered, that you make visible.

But this Christmas I have expressed what I never express.
Cheerfulness that is way too new.
Things I tried to hide, for reasons of the dysfunctional.
So many corners of me that weren't in my layout.

This Christmas I noticed things about me I never noticed.
Qualities that you magnify to me in high definition.
Smiles that never seemed so delightful.
Unfairness-es of my past that now seem to be so okay.

I had treasures hidden in the remotest dusty places.
That I'm so sensitive, yet hardened by my life's condition.
Your love so gentle and so unbelievably insightful.
That life is real, not a novel, or some child's play.

I stared at the sky for too long on Christmas.
And so it fell on my lap as foggy marshmallows.
As I dug through it I found a glass jar of a broken forever.
The tag had your name on it:
4 letters, in cursive.

It smelled like Almond Joy and citrus,
Attached to it, some of the sun's yellows.
It was gift wrapped by you, no doubt whatsoever.
Contemplating as I sit:
All of it together, yet so dispersive.

And so I received the best Christmas gift I could have ever imagined.
In a place so alone, thinking that being alone would be tragic.
For a moment I closed my eyes to feel close to you.
And there it was, the sky on my lap brought me a present.
The most simple gift wrapped glass jar, with a broken forever.

The bottle emanated much adventure and passion.
I tried putting together what was broken, with potions and magic.
I cut myself trying, with the facts and the truth.
So I sealed the jar again, with permanent cement.
And so, a broken forever is the best gift I will have for every year's December.

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