Saturday, March 21, 2015

A Never-Beginning Story

My thoughts have lingered from fantastic beginnings to wishful endings
I have seen the mornings of laughter that don't exist in real life
I have seen the children running, learning to ride their colorful bikes
I have seen a girl; Laylah is her name. She's so fragile, yet so strong.

Laylah's older brother is bossy and jolly, so full of life, and an explorer
He lives in his imagination of pirates, and they rescue the people who are poorer
I'm pretty sure he's got the plot all sorts of wrong
But he's only five, so who cares? I just love to play along

They believe in Santa Claus, magic carpets, and the Tooth Fairy
They believe that at the end of rainbows there is a pot of gold
They believe that Peter Pan lives in Neverland and that he'll never get old
And they believe Mom & Dad will live forever and they will love each other forevermore

Dear, little and cute cuddly Max
You poop so much and you are hard to dislike
You run in my yard catching blue butterflies
You like dear sweet Laylah and get annoyed by our older one

It's a happy life for the girl who will give this to you; you'll find her soon, waiting...somewhere
She exists in your wishlist and she's so beautiful, I'm sure, yet unaware of when or where
She's like the sunrise with her golden honey, shiny, glowing skin
And she's like the moon with a perfect crater resting on her cheek

Getting to walk in her shoes is a feeling I love to feel
And her shoes are a pair of shoes I would forever like to steal
What a wonderful and amazing life-dance when I walk that walk
That walk always ends up being a stroll in a trail at the park

Monday, March 16, 2015

Your Painful Nature

The night falls in your eyes
The sun rises in your smile
Looking up at the sky I see the stars
I can trace your silhouette when I connect them

The sun sets in your frown
The clouds rain in your tears
The rivers overflow in your heart
The mountains tumble in your anger

Your eyelashes curl with the wind
Mascara dripping the blackness within
The mirror telling you what you missed
But you missed only the almost-ness

The snow freezes in your forgetfulness
The trees die in your loneliness
The flowers wither in your vagueness
Earthquakes are wrapped in your coldness

A frozen & distant shoulder of mine
Says that everything comes back to us in time
The circle of life is no circle at all
It's a line that ends, no matter how tall

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

The Me That Matters

Sometimes I wonder what others see.
Which of these versions do people admire? Check.
Which of these versions do people want? Check.
Which of these versions do people love? Check.
Which of these versions is the likable me? Check.
Which of these is actually me? It doesn't matter.

Some like to hear my pitch rise two notes
That sweet voice I know to imitate
The voice that tells others "I am nice"
When in reality I only wish I was
That high-pitch voice that welcomes greetings
But that melody is played in settings of glamour

Some like to see the giving part of me
The part that gives, gives, and gives some more
Until I have nothing more to give.
The part of me that is willing to strip myself of my self 
For the smiles, laughs, and happiness of others.
But people carve at that endless whole & they don't stop 

Some like to see the vibrant colors I can paint with a smile
That section of my aura that brings the life to the quietness
That section in my soul that feels alive in the midst of peace
That section of me that allows others to keep secrets
Even when I have my own that I can't share
But my face doesn't allow others to cross that neon bridge

The truth is that only one of those is really me
It may be all of those combined
Or they may all just be a way to survive
Voices to tune
Giving to impart
Vibrant colors to emanate

But there's only one me.

Monday, March 9, 2015

Hello Again

Sometimes I think that turning off the lights will disguise the person I'm trying to hide; 
That person that is still trying to forget you.
But as darkness wraps my face and covers my depths... 
What will, then, deafen my sobs?
How will the sound waves get lost in their travels?
How will I mute the one sentence I painfully want to shout?

You're the only one that knows every part of me.
You saw my first struggles as a girl testing out the lip glosses that fit me.
You saw me trying to survive among the perfect figures walking the school bus runway.
You saw me battle with my tedious waves that flirted with nothing more than the air.
You saw me drowning in the heartbreaks of others for I had yet, not even one, to cry over.

My figure is still flawed
My soul torn
My face forgetful--as you have forgotten me.
But when I was invisible, you saw me.
I just wasn't worth fighting for.
I'm still not.
I know.

Friday, March 6, 2015

Pick-up My Soul

Too many chunks of my soul coiled into one
Too many times I have been broken.
Too many times I have been fixed.
Too many times I have fallen in that den.

The wind picks up my dust
The whispers of the dust playing my song
The wind picks up my dust
The flaws of my particles wrap them along

The day is approaching
Will you keep your promise?
I'm still thinking of you.
I'm still remembering.

I'm not angry anymore, I think.

Can we just go back to where we met?
Can we just be friends again?
Can we forget we made a mistake?
Was it a mistake?
It matters not anymore.

You were right, hindsight is 20/20.

Too many chunks of my soul have been ripped apart.
Thanks to you, the biggest chunk of me is now gone.
Too many things went right and others went so wrong.
But now I'm here and you decided that you're gone.

You despise the presence of me one more time.
I'll let you be, be you, because you were never mine.
Your happiness is more important than my falling apart.
I will allow you to forget me and to press the button to restart.

I'm not worthy of being loved.
I'm not worthy of being needed.
I can't breathe under water yet.
But things in stone aren't always set.

I'm here to stay.
You're there to be gone.
I'll stay away.
I know you're done.

Memories never die.
They sustain me as I fly.
I am free.
I can see.

I stop flying.
I start falling.
Falling is the only thing that makes me feel.

I fall,
To
Be
Me.

But I will get up again, I promise.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

I'm Just Broken

I run my fingers through the details of nothing
I close my eyes and I travel through counties
I crawl into a fetus position wishing to be born again
I'm howling at the moon hoping to translate the language of angels

One day I'll be perfect.
One day I'll be wanted.
One day The One who knit me will hold me in his arms.
That day, flaws won't exist and neither will charms.

Nothing that drowns me now will matter then.
Right now I'm just undone and I'm just broken.